Can The Seduction Community Help Inexperienced Guys?

These days a lot of sexually inexperienced guys are finding their way into the Seduction Community. The advice on how to pick up girls that it offers seems like one possible solution to their woes. How helpful is it? I don't think there's an easy answer to this question and my final stance is pretty neutral. Here are my thoughts on it, based on firsthand experience. I'll start with some ways it can help, then list some potential drawbacks.

Some reasons the Community can help inexperienced guys

It gets guys out there trying to practice and improve themselves

The Seduction Community offers inexperienced guys a pot of gold and a path to attain it. It's core premise is that any guy can get really good with women if they follow the advice and put in the work to master it. Things like looks, status, and money don't matter. The Community goes out of its way to make this point. To be a little more blunt, for a lot of guys the Community offers the ultimate wet dream fantasy: the ability to have sex with lots of random, hot sluts.

This is all very motivating, especially for a lonely, hard up guy. Before I found the Seduction Community I had the attitude of hoping women would drift into my life. Afterwards I was much more proactive. I got out there and actually tried to get better with girls. I got a boost in confidence just from knowing how to get girls on paper. I had to force myself to get over my fear of approaching women before I could even try using all the tips I'd read. I started experimenting with different ways of interacting with women. I fully admit I was often drawn along by the dangling carrot of becoming a player.

It was a long, messy process. I screwed up a lot. I'm sure I came off as an unsettling weirdo to a couple of women. In the end I didn't end up becoming a lady's man. But in the process of chasing that dream I inadvertently ended up gaining the basic experience, confidence, and skills with women I had been missing. I finally got myself caught up in areas most guys had figured out by high-school. And even acquiring those bare bone dating skills allowed me to have way more success with women than I'd ever had.

I think that's what the Seduction Community ends up doing for a lot of inexperienced guys. Their problem isn't that they're lacking high-end tactics about how to pick up any girl, they've just never got the hang of basic skills like chatting to women, going on dates, making a move, etc. The Community gets them out there. They think they're on the road to becoming pick up artists, but they're just putting themselves through a belated remedial dating class without really realizing it. They finally get a chance to figure things out on their own and just become more confident about putting themselves out there.

The Seduction Community has some useful advice

As the last point has emphasized, in a way the Community is sometimes less about the actual advice and more about getting guys out there to figure things out for themselves. Sometimes it's even tempting to say the advice doesn't matter at all, but that's not accurate. The Community's advice has directly helped many men do better with women. I think I've known some of the advice so long, and that it's so integrated into my personality, that I take it for granted, and I've lost touch with how profound it felt when I first discovered it.

The advice comes in a few flavors:

The first things I read upon discovering the Seduction Community was advice from the first three categories. It had an immediate positive effect on my outlook towards dating, and I carry these improvements with me to this day. Not soon after, I found the theories on how to actually seduce women. I didn't end up using everything of course, but many of the ideas helped me out down the road.

There are many cases of inexperienced guys resolving their problems through the Community

The Seduction Community works for at least some guys. There are the success stories to prove it. Even older virgins have been able to turn their problem around, some of whom have gone on to become real lady's men afterwards. Success stories always have that whiff of, "Exceptional case. Your results may vary", but at least some guys have done well for themselves by getting into this scene.

Some reasons the Seduction Community might not be able to help

There's no shortcut to acquiring the dating fundamentals every guy needs

This isn't so much a knock against the Community itself as the sometimes unrealistic hopes it can arouse in guys. As good as the advice can be, it won't magically get a very inexperienced guy laid overnight. No matter how you get women there are certain core things you need to be able to do. You have to be able to approach them. You have to be able to hold a conversation. You need to be socially adjusted. You have to be able to date/hang out and come off as attractive. You have to be at ease making sexual moves. You have to learn how to do these things firsthand, and it takes everyone some time. If you're not up to speed on these things and get into the Community, you're just going to have to learn them there.

The Community has a lot of weird, unhealthy aspects to it

Although the Seduction Community has undeniably helped many guys, it can be really messed up at times. This includes some of the advice it gives, some of the people in it, some of the beliefs it instills in you, and the overall subculture that has formed around this idea of getting good with women. Many guys who get into it can be negatively influenced all this weirdness and actually end up becoming worse with women and people than they were before. Even guys who have some experience are susceptible to this problem. Inexperienced guys are even more vulnerable.

Inexperienced guys may not have the ability to discern the good from the bad

The reason virginal guys are more likely to get derailed by the weirdness that infuses the Community is that they don't have the life experience that allows them to filter out the healthy concepts from the useless ones. More cool, grounded guys can spot the crap fairly easily. Their bullshit detectors go off when what they're reading clashes with their database of life experience. Inexperienced guys haven't built up the wisdom to be able to make these distinctions. Furthermore, they may be desperate and susceptible to being taken in by material that's weird but which also plays into their hopes.

The Community's beginner and advanced concepts are all thrown together

Some of the Seduction Community's concepts can easily be learned and utilized by people who are fairly clueless about women. Other concepts are more difficult and advanced. Unfortunately guys are often drawn towards them because of their flashy and seemingly effective nature. A beginner trying to use them is akin to a guy taking up a new sport and reading all of that game's fancy trick plays without knowing the basics. When he's out in the world he'll fail because he's lacking the skill to pull them off.

The problem is when you're just reading the advice it all seems about equally easy to apply in theory. Until you go out and try it out you can't really tell that one tip is easy to use, and another will take practice to be able to pull of, or is more of a high-risk, high-reward thing. There aren't really any 'labels' on advice about what is simple to use and what is more difficult. Sometimes high-level tricks will even be portrayed as being easy to do even though they're not. As a result guys go out and try to do everything right off the bat and the outcome is often scattered and inconsistent.

If novices go out and try to use the more advanced advice they may eventually pick up the more basic skills as a side effect and have some success. However their progress is probably going to be more drawn out and frustrating than if they'd learned to walk before trying to run.

Inexperienced guys may be missing some of the basic, unspoken prerequisites the Community's advice requires

Most of the advice I've seen on how to pick up girls makes some unstated assumptions about the reader; that they have the guts to try what the advice asks, that they have some experience and comfort with sex and dating, and that they're relatively grounded and socially savvy. A guy who meets these requirements can then take that advice and do pretty well for himself. Someone who exceeds these requirements can run with it.

Inexperienced guys may not be able to check off all those points though. They may struggle to make the Community's advice work for them but be held back by their nerves or weak social abilities. Again, just getting out there and trying and trying may pay off for them in the end, but it may be more efficient for them to address their core weaknesses before they try and become players.

The Seduction Community is not a cohesive set of advice that covers everything an inexperienced guy may need to know

The Community mostly covers high-end tactics that allow guys to seduce women quickly and easily. It's a subset of the broader category of dating advice. There is stuff in it geared towards beginners, but the information is patchy. For the most part it doesn't comprehensively cover foundational topics like how to have decent social skills, or how to have your life together (though it sometimes thinks it does). It shouldn't have to either because that's not its focus. That would be like expecting a class for advanced gymnasts to teach its students an introduction to strength training and weight lose techniques.

Beginners aren't really told this though. So they may come in thinking the answers to all their problems are covered by the Community. If they have more basic issues hindering them they may not be able to make the advice work. And if they don't realize they have to turn outside the Community for help with those problems they may get discouraged as they fruitlessly search within the scene for a solution.

Furthermore, the Seduction Community is dismissive of perfectly good sources of advice outside of itself, mainly any mainstream dating and relationship information. According to the scene this material is of a generally low quality and will fill your head with counterproductive ideas. Some of it will sure, but so will some material of the Seduction Community's. A lot of mainstream dating advice is fine. Sure if you're an overly nice guy or something you'll go wrong with it, but that's not the advice's fault. A cooler guy could do just fine with it. In terms of relationship advice the Community is widely considered to be lacking, and I think you should stick with the dreaded mainstream (using common sense of course).

Inexperienced guys can misinterpret the Community's advice for the worse

As I've been saying, the Community's advice assumes the guy using it has some understandings about what interacting with women is about. Inexperienced guys are missing this knowledge and may not 'get' what certain concepts are really saying. They may filter them through their underdeveloped or incorrect assumptions towards socializing and the opposite sex. The end result may be a twisted version of what the advice prescribes that makes the guy using it seem weird and socially clueless, not more attractive. There are a few ideas in the Community that newbies consistently seem to misapply.

Getting concepts wrong is part of being a beginner in any field though. Inexperienced guys misinterpret and bungle more traditional dating tips as well. However the Community's advice is a little more advanced and esoteric on the whole. A naturally cool guy has what it takes to pull it off. But when a beginner tries and gets it wrong, the results can come across as pretty strange and inappropriate.

A guy may shoot himself in the foot by feeling he has to get sex quickly

And a quick practical point to finish things off. An underpinning of the whole 'picking up girls' thing is that you're trying to get laid right away. It's ingrained into that material's attitude; guys who wait for sex are chumps, blah blah blah. Okay, fine, but if you had a choice what would you pick? a) A guaranteed chance to lose your virginity, but you have to see a girl a handful of times spread over a few weeks, or b) No chance to lose your virginity. But some guys get too into the 'must get laid' quickly mentality and end up screwing themselves in the long term.

There will be girls who are perfectly interested in them, and quite happy to have sex with them, just not after seeing them two times in their entire life, but he'll brush them aside after the third date for not giving it up quickly enough. Another scenario that that can occur is that if the guy had just acted normal and played it safe, he'd have gotten sex before long, but he pushes too hard to get laid on the first date, or the night he meets her and ends up turning the girl off completely.

It's cool if you want to expect sex quickly in the future, but if you just want to have intercourse for the first time ever, play it safe and wait a bit if you have to. You'll still get to spend time with the girl and fool around with her as you build up to the sex anyways, it's hardly terrible.

Just to clarify, I'm not saying a guy should ever be overly timid or slow about moving things along physically. That can set you back just as much as pushing too hard. This point is more referring to proceeding at a typical relationship pace vs. trying too hard and losing out entirely.


Assuming you're not already in it and are just reading this article for something to do, if you want to get into the Seduction Community I think the take away advice from this article is pretty obvious: Try to extract the benefits of the scene while doing your best to steer clear of its weird, harmful elements. Hopefully this site will give you a heads up or two about what to avoid.


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