How Having Experience With Relationships Helps You With Women In The Future

Once you've had a girlfriend and been in a relationship you'll gain all these characteristics that will help you do better with women should you ever be single again in the future. As with sexual experience, once you've got a little, you'll have an easier time getting more. I realize none of this will help the guys who don't have girlfriends yet, but I just want to point out all the ways things will be simpler for them once they've entered that territory.

Of course guys who have been in relationships still can have problems with women. Any newly single guy who's struggled to get back into the game will tell you that. They'll still be bumbling and nervous around some new women. Overall though, I think they're in better shape than they were before though.

You just get more comfortable and experienced with a lot of things

As you know, when you're inexperienced in something you're nervous, hesitant, and clumsy. This hinders your efforts in the first place. When you're in a relationship you get the chance to practice and become comfortable with a lot of things that involve dealing with women:

If you've never had a girlfriend the idea of sitting on a couch with a girl and then leaning in to kiss her may seem pverwhelming. When you've had a girlfriend for a few months you've performed that action dozens of times. It becomes second nature. If you have to do it with a new girl, you'll still be a little anxious, but nothing compared to if you didn't have all that practice time behind you.

You get lots of sexual experience

I just mentioned this but we all know it deserves it's own section. When you have a girlfriend you have all the time in the world to get comfortable with sex, and good at it. It's on tap. Not just the sex, but everything that goes with it: kissing, foreplay, teasing, experimentation, etc. You can go from being a virgin who's sexually intimidated by women to being able to see a cute girl and matter of factly know exactly what you'd do with her if you hooked up. Whereas before you'd look at her and wonder what sex feels like, now you can sort of glance at her body and get a sense of what it would be like to be with her physically. Obviously that calm confidence makes you more attractive and more able to act.

You'll be more comfortable with women in general

Having a girlfriend makes women as a whole less obscure and intimidating. You get to see what girls are like 'behind the scenes' and that they're not as scary and put together as their public personas sometimes make them out to be. You get to see them being insecure, or being goofy and joking around, or what they look like when they're bumming around in pajamas aren't all dolled up ready to go clubbing. You come to see them as normal, regular people, not these prizes that hover above you. And when you can treat them like anyone else, you tend to come off better than when you're putting them on a pedestal and trying too hard.

You'll gain a more realistic, demystified idea of what relationships are like

Before I had relationships I had all kinds of overly romantic or incorrect ideas about what having a girlfriend was like. Once I had one, these notions were replaced with more down-to-earth, realistic ones. I realized a lot of the time you spend with them is doing low-key friend-type things like watching movies. I realized there were going to be occasional arguments and squabbles, no matter how solid things were otherwise. Knowing all this stuff is another way you'll become more at ease around women.

You get general social experience

Having good general social skills is one of the keys to doing well with women. Since your girlfriend is a person too, hanging around her can be a chance to practice your overall interpersonal skills. You get to have lots of conversations and develop your humor. If you do something inappropriate, she's going to get annoyed like anyone else. I'd like to think many of my more socially retarded traits have diminished due to the time I've spent with my girlfriend.

On the other hand, some guys can slip socially when they're in a relationship because they spend all their time with their lady friend in a bubble and neglect their other connections. Gotta watch out for that.

You get to know your strengths, but also become more humble about your weaknesses

Being in a relationship can make you more confident because you'll get to know firsthand how funny, or sweet, or good in bed you are. That's good obviously.

It'll also make you look at yourself more realistically. When you've never been in a relationship it's sometimes easy to tell yourself you're such a great guy and you'd make the best boyfriend... to the lucky girl who would see what an unpolished diamond you were. You may tell yourself that you're so much more deep and sensitive and romantic than all the jerks out there.

But when you have a girlfriend you'll discover all these little flaws you never knew you had. You'll realize you too can be the lazy boyfriend who forgets to call, or who plays video games too much. Maybe you'll find you can be impatient, or bad at arguing. This isn't necessarily the end of the world, no one's perfect. In fact it can be good in the sense that you'll become more humble and see yourself as more of a regular guy, not this misunderstood perfect catch.

You can work through some of your issues

Being in a relationship is a unique kind of social connection to form with a person, obviously. When you first have a girlfriend it can bring up issues in yourself you didn't know you had. For example, I found some of my baggage towards socializing with people and letting myself get close to others came up. If you're good you can work through these problems as they appear and come out better for it.

You become a more well-rounded, complete person

Being in relationships is a major part of the human experience. When you've never been in one you can feel left out and incomplete. You can be out of touch with this thing other people take for granted. Once you've had a girlfriend this whole new part of you gets colored in. You get to have all these new experiences and develop as a person.

You can connect with people that much better

Talking about their relationships is also a major way people connect with each other. When you've never been in one yourself you can miss out on this. You can't just listen to someone's story about their girlfriend and reply with one of your own, or provide an insight based on your experiences.

Relationships also provide people with all these unspoken experiences and pieces of knowledge. When you've had a girlfriend you suddenly 'get' all these new things. When others refer to some event that they assume everyone has shared, you finally get what they're saying and can relate, rather than being on the sidelines.

When I was a virgin the topic of relationships had an adverse effect on my ability to connect with people, in fact. Whenever the topic came up I'd do my best to change the subject and avoid self-disclosure. I was too worried about my lack of experience being found out. I tried to speak in generalities to give the impression I was contributing. If I was directly questioned I'd come up with some sort of concise bluff answer and then try to steer the discussion away from me. I killed all kinds of opportunities to have a meaningful interaction with people out of a sense of self-preservation. Now that I've genuinely had experience, I don't have to be on guard any more.

So on a less abstract level you'll just finally have things to say about the topic. When you're out drinking with your guy friends you can finally share your own stories about crazy things she's done or sex, instead of being quiet.

You'll get some perspective on the problem of other girl's boyfriends being jerks

I'm a good boyfriend, but I've had my jerky, insensitive moments. Like I said, no one's flawless. There have been times where my girlfriend could have gone to her friends and legitimately complained I was being a jerk. If you were her guy friend and she only came to you when I was being a dumbass, you could have reasonably concluded I was a cad, even though I'm a good guy 99% of the time.

If you're one of those guys who always seems to be the friend girls complain about their boyfriends to you can get this sense that most girls like dating creeps, or that they're gluttons for punishment who don't know what they want. When I got into a relationship I saw things differently. I realized those boyfriends I thought of as assholes were sometimes just doing the stupid things all guys do at times, like making stupid comments, or blowing off an important engagement with the girl's family because they're hung over. Sure, some girls do date genuine assholes and have issues, but lots are dating decent guys who occasionally do dumb shit, and who only complain about them during the times things are bad.


Main Article Index
www.succeedsocially.com - My other site on people skills