How Trying To Learn How Up Pick Up Girls Can Sidetrack Very Inexperienced Guys

There's a ton of information out there about how guys can get laid or get girlfriends by learning how to pick up women. A lot of the information is free, and about the same amount is for sale in one form or another. Yeah... You know what I'm talking about...

A lot of this advice is gimmicky and useless, but some of it is actually quite helpful. I'm not knocking it for a second. Some of it helped me when I was hopeless with girls. Though in my own experience, and through looking at other guys, getting too into this 'learning to pick up girls' thing can sidetrack you if you're very sexually inexperienced. Here are my reasons for saying so:

Very sexually inexperienced guys often don't have the foundation necessary to apply the advice most effectively

Despite marketing hype about how if you read such-and-such you can get laid no matter how ugly or dorky you are, most of the stuff I've read on how to be a player or pick up women is written with some implicit assumptions (whether the author knows it or not): That the guy reading it has a relatively attractive personality, that he has half-decent overall social skills, that he's fairly presentable, that he's had at least some past experience with dating, sex, and relationships, and that he has enough courage to do what the advice prescribes.

A guy who meets those assumptions can probably take that information and do okay for himself. He already had an idea of how to interact with people and get women, and now he has a better idea. A guy who surpasses those assumptions - someone who's really cool, attractive, socially savvy, confident, and experienced - can take the new information and just run with it.

But lots of sexually inexperienced guys don't meet the minimum unwritten requirements of these materials. Forget conversing with women, they're not even great at talking to regular people. They have lots of insecurities and personality flaws. They're anxious by nature and can't simply follow a book or web site's advice to go up to girls at a bar and say certain things to them. And of course they don't have that baseline of physical experience that makes them comfortable trying to go after future sex.

As a result of their other deficiencies, they'll have a frustrating time trying to apply the advice they read. Sometimes they'll be too scared to do what's asked of them. At other times they'll understand the information, but their other problems will sabotage them. Or their lack of familiarity with basic social skills, male/female relationships, or common life experiences could cause them to not 'get' what they're reading and use it in an improper, detrimental manner.

Overall, they may eventually get to the same end point as a more normal, grounded guy, but it will be a much longer, more discouraging process. What they should really do though is get the groundwork of social skills, personality, and life/sexual/relationship experience handled first and then, if they want to afterwards, try to become a pick up artist.

Being a player and picking up strangers is a relatively advanced thing to do. It's built upon a framework of more ho-hum experience interacting with women, and with people in general. Trying to jump right into it from scratch is much more difficult.

For a very inexperienced guy, trying to pick up strange girls probably isn't the most efficient route to just getting sex for the first time

I think if you're older and you're still a virgin (or worse) then your first priority should be losing the v-card as simply as you can. Learning a bunch of techniques and strategies to be a player may sound like the logical way to do that. After all, it is secret, super effective knowledge to make any girl sleep with you that night, isn't it?

But if you take an inexperienced guy, who's also kind of awkward and unappealing like I just mentioned, and he discovers all that advice, here's what often happens:

First he spends anywhere from a few weeks to several months reading all this new knowledge. There's a lot of it out there, much of it contradictory. It can take a while to take it all in. At the worst, he keeps reading new stuff forever and never tries to do anything in the real world.

Next, he goes out to try and use his arsenal of special knowledge, but finds he's petrified of approaching strange girls. And that's what this stuff is largely about, approaching strange girls and using your game on them. He spends several months procrastinating and searching for the magic bullet that will remove his fear all at once.

He's accepted there is no magic bullet, but he still spends a couple months trying to get over his fear of approaching girls by actually going out and doing it until he's used to it. It's a slow, painful process but he eventually perseveres.

Okay, more than half a year has passed by, and the guy can finally go up to girls and talk to them. Now he tries having a conversation with women, and applying all he's learned, and finds it's not all that easy. The girl's don't seem particularly interested or receptive, let alone ready to drag him to the bathroom. So he spends the next several months (or longer) just working on his ability to have a good initial conversation. This is where his subpar social skills, poor self-confidence, so-so personality, and lack of legitimate strengths starts to hurt him. All the special tricks and techniques in the world won't make a girl interested in someone who truly doesn't have a lot going for them.

In between all this are long stretches where the guy doesn't go out because he's too nervous or discouraged to do so. Anyways...

After a while, he's better at going up to girls and talking to them, but he isn't getting anywhere sexually. He's too scared to ask for a number, he's too scared to try to kiss her, he's worried about being a virgin...

And on and on and it goes. I've been there. Eventually the guy may fluke into a one night stand and finally get laid, but it was just a lucky anomaly and he still has months and months more go in the trenches before he finally gets the hang of things.

If all you want to do is just get laid, or kiss a girl, for the first time, trying to pick up a stranger isn't necessarily the easiest way to go about it, especially if you have other more fundamental social or character weaknesses you need to address first. There are simpler ways to get just any kind of experience:

Meet prospects as easily as you can

If you look at the little progression above, the guy spent months and months even getting to the point where he could meet potential romantic partners. He wasted a ton of time getting over his fear of approaching, his inability to talk to wary strangers, etc. He could have saved developing that skill for later.

Women can be met more easily through other venues like through friends, through acquaintances, in class, online, at work, or in social clubs. Don't get me wrong, learning to approach strangers is a skill I think everyone should develop (I met my girlfriend of two years at a bar), but it is kind of hard. But for now, it doesn't matter how you meet girls, just do it easily. Worry about how easy and effective a method is, not how cool or impressive it is. Some people look down at meeting girls online, but it's a fairly efficient, low stress thing to do for a shy guy. If you're a little older, paying $30 to go to a Speed Dating event may be up your alley. It's definately not something to brag about, but you can put yourself in front of a guaranteed twenty or so potential partners for about the cost of a night at the bar. You'll get to practice your conversation and maybe even hit it off with someone.

Also, try to meet girls who are going to be interested in you. Save the elite model types for later.

Get sex the simple, unglamorous way

Probably the easiest way to get sex is to not be too picky, meet any half-decent girl, and just date her until you've done everything you want to do. Like the subheading says: it's simple and not particularly glamorous, but it works. Also, it will serve you better in the long run because the sex will be ongoing and you can really get comfortable with it. You'll also get used to spending a lot of time romantically with a woman. It's not a case of fluking into a one night stand, technically getting laid, then effectively being back at square one for several more months.

You can shoot yourself in the foot thinking you must get sex quickly

An underpinning of the whole 'picking up girls' thing is that you're trying to get laid right away. It's ingrained into that material's attitude; guys who wait for sex are chumps, blah blah blah. Okay, fine, but if you had a choice what would you pick? a) A guaranteed chance to lose your virginity, but you have to wait three weeks, or b) No chance to lose your virginity. But some guys get too into the 'must get laid' quickly mentality and end up screwing themselves in the longterm.

There will be girls who are perfectly interested in them, and quite happy to have sex with them, just not after seeing them two times in their entire life, but the guy will brush them aside after the third date for not giving up the sex quickly enough. Another scenario that that can occur is that if the guy had just acted normal and played it safe, he'd have gotten sex before long, but he pushes too hard to get laid quickly and ends up turning the girl off completely.

It's cool if you want to expect sex quickly in the future, but if you just want to have intercourse for the first time ever, play it safe and wait a few weeks if you have to. You'll still get to spend time with the girl and do other stuff with her anyways, it's hardly terrible.

Going too far with the 'picking up girls' thing may make you weird in other ways as well

I go into this point in exhaustive detail here:

A Long List Of Ways The Seduction Community Can Make You Weird

And that's all I really want to say about that. Again, I'm not knocking trying to pick up girls. It's something pretty much every guy is interested in and should try to learn at some point. I just think you need to walk before you can run. If you're really hard up, then get the basics handled first.

Some Related Articles:

People Skills And Basic Attractiveness - A Foundation For Doing Well With Women
Three Main Areas Sexually Inexperienced Guys Need To Work On
Why Sexually Inexperienced Guys Shouldn't Be Too Picky With Women
Common Magic Bullets That Guys Hope Will Cure Their Fear Of Women
How To Get More Comfortable Talking To Strange Girls

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