Three Main Areas Sexually Inexperienced Guys Need To Work On

If you're really inexperienced with women, and hope to escape that distinction, there are a lot of places in which you could conceivably try to improve. But when it comes to directly moving towards physical intimacy with a woman, and not just having her enjoy talking to you, you'll need to be okay in these three areas:

  1. You need to be comfortable with making 'moves'
  2. You need to be comfortable with dating
  3. You need to have some basic sexual experience

You can further your abilities in other areas (e.g., being fun to hang out with), but until you can make moves, date comfortably, and have some baseline physical experience under your belt, you're going to be limited in your opportunities to get actual sex. Looking back, even when I was socially awkward, there were still girls who liked me, and I was often able to talk to them, but my failings in those three areas are what screwed me. I could meet girls in class or through friends, and some would be interested in me, but I fell flat on my face when it came to asking them out, or trying to kiss them, or I'd be so worried about them finding out I was a virgin that I bailed out entirely.

1. Making 'moves'

These are any action that announces your interest to the girl and moves the process towards sex along. They are asking something of her, and she has the chance to reject you. Of course, being able to do these are important, because you can't get anything unless you ask for it. It's relatively rare for the woman to take all the initiative and you'll go crazy waiting for that scenario to come along. Examples:

These are all specific behaviors you have to carry out. They are often accompanied by nervousness and hesitation, especially the first couple of times you ever do them. You can probably think of a time in your life where you had a chance to do one of these things, but you wimped out. Maybe a girl obviously wanted you to kiss her but you were too scared. Or you didn't have the guts to ask someone out, even though you were sure they'd say yes.

The overall theme of all this is relating to women within a sexual framework. It's one thing to hang out as a harmless friend, but it's a lot more scary to do something that announces you're interested in a woman sexually and sets up the possibility of getting turned down. Intimate relationships have a sexual component, so women who are interested in being in one aren't going to consider asexual/androgynous guys. Once it comes across that you're comfortable with your sexuality, women will start to see you more as a potential partner.

Advice on making 'moves'

Like I mentioned, the biggest problem here is pushing past your nervousness and performing whatever action the 'move' entails. As much as I'd like to give you an easy solution, in the end it mainly comes down to just doing it. Don't worry if you puss out and let good chances pass you by a few times, that's just how these things work. Pretty much every guy has let some good opportunities slip by in his life because of nerves and hesitation. Think of it this way: say you have a chance to make a certain move for the first time ever, and while you technically don't go for it, you were 75% of the way towards doing so. The next time you also wimp out, but you were 95% there. On the third time you finally succeed in going for it, but you'd never have been in that position if the first two misses hadn't happened.

The first time you ask for a girl's number, ask her to dance, try to kiss her, etc. you're going to feel unnatural and awkward. You probably won't carry out the action as smoothly as you could either (it's your first time, who's ever perfect on their first try?). However, once you've done them enough, these things will seem like a lot less of a big deal.

Although it mostly comes down to getting the gumption to do it, here are some ways to get used to making some of the moves more easily:

Asking for a number: You can get used to this by asking for any person's number the first time you meet them. Met a good guy you could hang out with in the future? Ask for his number. Met a girl who might be a good friend? Ask for her number. Met a girl who you might want to date one day but aren't sure? Ask for the number.

Going for a kiss: At the end of every date, assuming it didn't go horribly, try to kiss her. You can just ask for a quick kiss goodnight if you have to. If you're drunkenly dancing with a girl try to kiss her. If you're drunkenly talking to a girl try to kiss her. Don't worry about getting shut down. Just get used to going for it.

Asking her out: Again, invite guys and non-prospect women out who you've just met. It'll do a lot to inoculate you against the discomfort of asking a relative stranger to do something with you. Trying to dance with someone: Dance with female acquaintances if you're out at a club. Take dance lessons and dance with women in your class. Ask female friends to teach you some moves. This'll do a lot to take the strangeness and mystery out of it.

2. Dating

I'd consider dating any time you spend with a girl with the mutual understanding that you're open to the idea of being romantic/sexual partners with each other, and are seeing how well you click. I use the term loosely. To me a 'date' doesn't have to be something stereotypical and formal like going to dinner and a movie. It could be more casual like grabbing drinks somewhere, or walking around downtown and talking.

Unless you hook up with a girl that night, you're going to need to go on one or more dates with her before you do anything physical. So obviously you need to get comfortable arranging and going on them.

Advice on getting experience with dating

For inexperienced guys the problem of nervousness pops up again. First, there's that more acute anxiety that builds up beforehand, but often dissipates in a few minutes once you've met up with her and the date gets under way. There can also be a more low-level nervousness that pervades the entire time you're with her because of all the little things you're worrying about (Am I being an interesting conversationalist? Is she going to want to go home after this? Will she come back to my place? Will I be able to kiss her? Will she reject me? Will she want to see me again?)

If you just want to get used to the act of being out on a date with a girl, you don't need to do so with your 100% ideal woman. Go out with any half-decent girl and get used to all that dating entails. In fact, this will probably be easier as the pressure to come off perfectly won't be on you. There's no law that says you can't go out with someone a few times, or for a few weeks, even though your intentions towards them aren't super serious. Women will casually date for fun, why can't you?

As for the best places to go, or the best ways to act, well there's already been lots written on that subject, by plenty of people more qualified than me, so I'd invite you to see what they have to say.

3. Sexual experience

Well, if you're sexually inexperienced, this is a goal in and of itself, but it's also essential to doing better with women down the road. When you've got a foundation of physical experience behind you, you'll be much more comfortable around women in general, and in going after future sex. Say you're alone with a woman and want to kiss her. If you've never done anything with a girl, you'll have all these worries. You'll be thinking, "But I've never felt a boob before! I've never taken off a bra. I don't know how to give oral sex. What if she finds out I'm a virgin?!?!?" But if you've done it all before, you're thinking more, "I'm going to do this, then I'm going to do this, then I'll do this..."

Advice on getting sexual experience

Probably the easiest way:

Start seeing a fairly cool girl (don't be overly picky) who's into you and stay with her until you've gotten all the experience you want (kissing, foreplay, oral, actual sex, experimenting with various other stuff, etc.) This doesn't seem as glamorous or as instantly gratifying as picking up some girl and hooking up with her that night, but once you've starting seeing someone, it's only a matter of time before you get to do everything. And in terms of getting more comfortable and proficient with being physical, you get a lot of time to practice everything. With a one night stand, you get to hook up with the girl that night, and maybe in the morning, and then may not get any for another six months.

Second big piece of advice:

DO NOT TURN DOWN A CHANCE FOR SEX IF ONE COMES YOUR WAY!!!! You may think you had a good reason at the time, but in hindsight you'll eventually wish you just took the chance when you had it. If all you want to do is pop your cherry then there aren't many factors that should be valid reasons to not go through with it. It doesn't matter if the chick isn't totally gorgeous. It doesn't matter if she's annoying or not your type. It doesn't matter if you may see her around later. Go for it and lose the v-card. Once you do get laid and the mystery is gone you'll look back at all the chances you had to have lost it earlier and think "Sex isn't a big deal at all, I totally should have hooked up with that chubby Kim girl when I had a chance a year ago..."


Some Related Articles:

People Skills And Basic Attractiveness - A Foundation For Doing Well With Women
Why Sexually Inexperienced Guys Shouldn't Be Too Picky With Women
Trying To Learn How Up Pick Up Girls Can Sidetrack Very Inexperienced Guys
Being A Virgin After High-School Is Not the End of the World
How To Get More Comfortable Talking To Strange Girls

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