Being A Male Virgin After High-School Isn't The End Of The World

If you're a guy in your early to mid-twenties and you're still a virgin you're probably pretty torn up about it. This may sound crazy to you but it's not as big a deal as you think. Yes you still gotta get the monkey off your back a.s.a.p. but don't stress too much about it while it's there. I didn't lose my virginity until college so I'll speak from experience:

Other people don't care as much as you'd imagine they would

When you're an older virgin it's easy to feel ashamed of your big, dark secret. You probably feel like it's something that you have to hide at all costs. You may feel trapped in a Catch-22 situation where you feel you can't have sex because your inexperience will show and your horrible secret will be outed.

But if you do tell other people, or they find out somehow, they often don't care as much as you'd think:

They'll most likely express a kind of mild, incredulous surprise.
It may just confuse them because the concept goes over their heads. They may say things like "Why don't you just pay for it?" or "Why not just hook up with Stacey? She's desperate, she'll totally do you."
Your explanations for why you're still a virgin ("I dunno, I'm just...uh...nervous around women") will sound a bit silly when you hear them coming out of your own mouth, taking away some of their power
They may give you some mild shit over lying about it in the past.
They may offer to help you lose it. Woooo!!!!

I'm not saying you should automatically tell everyone, but if keeping this horrible secret is eating you up inside, realize that some people knowing isn't the end of the world.

Just getting it out there will also change the focus from hiding your shameful status to what steps you're going to have to take to fix the problem.

***The time not to blab is if you have the chance to hook up with a girl and you know she'll lose interest if she finds out. If you have a chance to get laid for the first time ever you're offically allowed to be selfish (within reason). You're allowed to lie about how experienced you are, perform badly in bed, hook up with a girl you don't intend to grow old with, etc.***

Sex isn't that big a deal

If you've never gotten laid you've probably built sex up to be something bigger than it is. Sex is great but it's not on an entirely different plane from other fun experiences people can have.

It feels pretty much liked you'd expect it to.
It's not 100 times more pleasurable than other sexual activities you can do, especially if you wear a condom, which dulls the sensation. Masturbating by yourself to good porn can often feel physically better than run-of-the-mill humping.
At times it can be mundane, boring, tiring, and repetitive.
Once you start getting it consistently you start taking it for granted and don't even really think about it all that much. Well you do, but often in a more muted, down-to-earth way. You think of it more of an attainable need to fulfill, rather than a far-off mythical goal.
Thinking "This is it?" isn't an uncommon thought people have when they have sex for the first time. Some people are even disappointed and bummed out after because they found it so much less glamorous than it was made out to be.
You may even have trouble cumming the first few times because the stimulation is different from the way you normally masturbate.
Even though it's not a big deal, sex is awesome more often than not. Even so-so sessions are way better than nothing. And once you get past your initial inexperience and cluelessness, it only gets better and better.
To be clear, when I say sex is not a big deal, I mean it's not the giant, mythical creature you may have made it out to be in your mind. I don't mean to say that it's always dull or that if you're still a virgin, getting it won't make much difference in the quality of your life. It will.

The actual act isn't that complicated

A common virgin fear is that their inexperienced performance will give them away. Sex really isn't that hard. You pretty much put it in and thrust in and out. Within half a minute of starting you'll be thinking, "This is it? That's all there is to it?" Of course there are lots of subtleties that come into play, but you don't have to worry about that the first time.

Here are some additional ways you can take the performance pressure off yourself:

It's not unusual for two new partners to be somewhat nervous and clumsy around each other the first time (girls get nervous too). They also haven't had a chance to figure each other's bodies and preferences out properly so the sex probably won't be top-notch the first few times.
Plenty of more experienced guys are half-assed and clueless in bed. By a certain age most women have hooked up with a (non-virgin) guy who had no idea what he was doing, or who finished in five seconds, or who was generally selfish and thoughtless in the sack. Just because someone doesn't perform well doesn't automatically mean a virgin red flag is raised.
The best thing to do is let the girl get on top. That way all you have to do is lay there.
Probably the next easiest position is doggy style. It can be a little tricky to find the hole (it's further up than it seems), but once you're in you just have to thrust in and out. You're also a little cut-off from the girl so you won't feel as on the spot. You can do your own thing.
Missionary position probably has the most subtle variations in terms of positioning. It's still relatively simple though. Be sure to rest on your elbows or your arms will get tired before long.

And you shouldn't be too worried about performing well, or even getting outed, anyways. This is your first time, it's all about you. Trust me, if things don't go 100% according to plan, when it's all said-and-done you won't really care. You'll just to be happy to finally be a non-virgin.

The feeling you get after losing your virginity isn't as great as you'd imagine

You may think that you'll be on Cloud 9 for days after finally popping your cherry...

The monkey is definitely off your back, but rather than feeling on top of the world you just feel a bit calm and mentally quiet.
However, whenever things come up that used to remind you of your virginity, you start to feel bad for a second before going 'Oh yeah, I'm not a virgin any more...'
When you're getting regular sex you don't so much feel more happy as you feel less unhappy.

Getting laid once won't solve all your problems

Yes, the monkey and stigma is gone but now instead of being, say, a 22-year old who's never had sex, you're a 22-year old who's had sex once. You still have a ways to go.

You're still the same person you were before you stuck your penis into a girl's vagina. If you hate your job you'll still hate it. If your parents annoy you they'll still annoy you. If you're awkward around people you'll still be awkward around people. Getting laid isn't a cure-all.

Your confidence will increase, but not in some dramatic life-changing way. If you've been fantasizing that you'll never be nervous around women again once you've gotten laid you'll be disappointed. You won't be as desperate and you won't be as intimidated by women, but not to the point where you'll magically become a fearless lady's man. You may have a bit of that feeling for a few days afterwards but it will eventually go away. Some people do claim that things got a lot easier for them once they had sex but don't count on it.

Once you starting getting laid, you're getting laid. You won't care how old you are or how you got there.

One good thing is that once you start getting sex, you'll very quickly forget about your past years painful of virginity. You'll immediately start to concern yourself with all the practical matters that go along with getting sex. What age you start doing this at doesn't matter, the concerns are the same. You may have joined the club late but you're in the club now and you're an equal member to everyone else.

The circumstances under which you lose your virginity are important

Getting laid for the first time is an important milestone, no question about it, but in terms of the practical effect is has on your sex life it's only a start. The real goal is to have had enough sex that it doesn't feel like a big deal anymore and you're comfortable performing the act. Doing anything just once or a couple of times won't achieve this. When you've been getting laid a few times a week for a month or two you've reached this second milestone.

The best-case scenario is losing your virginity to someone you're in a relationship with. That way you can keep getting sex (and practice) in the future.
The worst-case scenario is completely fluking into losing it, probably via a drunken one night stand. When all is said and done you still don't have the pieces in place to get it again by yourself any time soon. You'll have technically lost your virginity but you'll still have to put the work into getting laid for the first time "for real". Paying for it would also have the same result.

Experiencing what sex is like will affect your previous fantasies and priorities

If you've gone longer than most guys without getting laid you may have built up all these fantasies and false notions about sex and what you're going to do once you finally start getting it. Once you know what sex is really like the foundations for these fantasies and pie-in-the-sky dreams will get a little shaky.

For example you may dream about becoming a playa and hooking up with tons of girls to make up for lost time. The content of porn movies probably has a big influence on these visions.
Once you get some actual experience you may realize that you really just want to settle down with one cool, sweet girlfriend and that this is preferable to picking up a drunk chubby girl once a month.
You might have jerked off a lot to a certain sexual act but your opinion of it may change when you experience what it's actually like.
The types of girls you're interested in may change.
Having crappy, disappointing sex is another important milestone. It will kill off the last remnants of your past unrealistic expectations.

The extent of your virginity is important

A guy in his twenties who has been in relationships and done everything else with girls but technically having sex is in much better shape than a guy who is older and has never even kissed a girl or had a girlfriend.

The second totally inexperienced guy should take his focus off having sex and concentrate more on checking off the other things he hasn't done. It'll be a lot easier for him to eventually get laid if he's not also worrying about the fact that he's never made out with a chick or felt a boob before.

Good luck with losing the v-card. I hope this article will make it easier for you.

Related Articles:

For Guy Virgins: Basics Things No One Told Me About Sex
How To Get More Comfortable Talking To Strange Girls
Three Main Areas Sexually Inexperienced Guys Need To Work On
Why Sexually Inexperienced Guys Shouldn't Be Too Picky With Women
A Quick Note About What Relationships Are Like

Main Article Index
www.succeedsocially.com - My other site on people skills